I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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