Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
