Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
