my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
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