You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
