I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize