when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
