And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He better not be in your backpack
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
