Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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