This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
