he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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