No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
