i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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