shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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