Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I will be naked everywhere
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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