The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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