your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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