we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
