the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
