can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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