So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
