matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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