Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
