you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
