office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
