I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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