That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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