We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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