you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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