You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
