We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
