my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
She made me pour olive oil on her.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
