I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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