did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize