woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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