i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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