Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
