I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
