11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
