I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
