You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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