Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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