I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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