your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
