I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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