Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
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