there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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