Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
