plz talk dirty to me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
