I'm lost and stupid without you.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
