Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
