I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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