is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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