Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
