One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Randomize
