I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
