too bad you live with your parents still
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
