Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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