the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
you inspire me to be a worse person
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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