Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
