I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
