I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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