Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
