we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
