I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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