i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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