I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
