She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
